at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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