Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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