To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
