Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am in a vortex of obligation.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
