Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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