so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
