do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
