He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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