so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
