I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
