so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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