Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
