there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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