Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
