i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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