just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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