i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
