1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
