Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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