Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
sex in a hospital.. check
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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