Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
