Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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