Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize