i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
