her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize