I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
