He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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