Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
