Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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