I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
