no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
