dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
