the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
