I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
