i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
