Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
