Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
