$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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