I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
