you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
