i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
