Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize