Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
