when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
