You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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