He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
