FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
