Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
