but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
