There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize