life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
