Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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