she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
