i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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