I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
