I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
