she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just sent this text using only my big toe
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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