somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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