it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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