Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
