the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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