We're facebook friends in real life
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
