Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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