Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
