Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
