remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
