So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
