Are we in a gay sports bar?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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