why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize