im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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