Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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