If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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