I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
