i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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