Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
