all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
