I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
