I cannot find my penis.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
