Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
