Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
