I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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