Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
